funny Dr who stories
by lozza1989
Summary: Just my own collection of Dr who stories that i came up with. No flames please.
1. Chapter 1

**Dr who babysits-five year olds**

**"I don't know if i can do this?" said the Doctor with a worried look on his face "i've never babysitted before". Martha put a reassurring hand on his shoulder.**

**"Don't worry about it,my cousins are ok,well mostly" she said sheepishly. The Doctor was going to babysit for Martha's five year old twin cousins as she and the rest of the family where invited to a party and the Doctor was the only option left.**

**About 3:00pm,the twins arrived. They were a boy and a girl,both with brown hair and looked extremely spoilt. The little boy Kieran wore glasses and had a look of Mischief on his face and wasn't at all impressed with his Babysiter.**

**"You're a stranger,i don't like strangers" and he kicked the Doctor on the ankle. His twin sister Kayleigh Giggled. Kayleigh looked very similiar to Kieran except she didn't wear glasses and she was a pure evil. She also took a disliking to the Doctor and also kicked him on the ankle.**

**"Don't worry,you're kids will be fine with me" he grimaced rubbing his ankle. The twin's parents nodded and left leaving the Doctor at the mercy of two very naughty five year olds.**

**"So what do you want to do?" he asked smiling at them.Kieran and Kayleigh both looked at each other with a mischieveness look on their face.**

**"I wanna play tie up the babysitter" Demanded Kayleigh.**

**"Me too" demanded Kieran also. **

**"So how do you play that then?" The Doctor asked nervoulsy.**

**"We tie up the babysitter and then we get to create havoc" and the pair of them walked towards the Doctor,sellotape at the ready.**

**The Doctor watched as both Kieran and Kayleigh create havoc around the house. He wanted to stop them and calm them down but they had sellotaped him to the computer chair and Kayleigh had applied makeup on his face and she also put a beaded necklace around him. Luckily he had managed to get his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket but Kieran had snatched it away from him.**

**"Look sis,i've found a torch for our den" he said excitedly.Kayleigh giggled with glee and the two ran out of the room with the Sonic screwdriver.**

**"That not's for playing with,it's not a toy" yelled the Doctor but the naughty twins ignored him. Luckily the chair had wheels so he managed to push himself out of the room in search of the twins. When he finally located them,they were mucking around with the Sonic screwdriver.**

**"Hello" he said making the twins scream.**

**"You're not supposed to leave the spot,that's the rules" spat Kayleigh. The Doctor nodded simply.**

**"Sorry. I was wondering if i can have that pretty torch back. It's my favourite toy and i want it back" he said in a friendly voice. The twins looked at each other and giggled.**

**"Finders keepers.Losers weepers" replied Kieran with a grin pocketing the Sonic screwdriver in his jeans pocket. **

**"Now get back to your spot and we'll untie you later" ordered Kayleigh. The Doctor felt pretty pissed off with the naighty twins but he did as he was told.After a while the Twins decided to tease him further.Kayleigh put a flowery pink headband in his hair and put some fake earrings pn his ears.**

**"You look pretty" giggled Kayleigh picking up a small mirror and showing the Doctor her handywork. He looked in the mirror and couldn't believe how silly he looked.**

**"I look daft" he suggested as both Kieran and Kayleigh rolled around on the floor in a fit of giggles.He noticed the Sonic screwdriver on the floor. As the twins were still giggling on the floor,the Doctor toppled onto the floor (as he was still tied up) and picked up the sonic screwdriver with his teeth.**

**As long as the Twins were busying laughing,he used the sonic screwdriver to untie himself.**

**"Hey you cheated" cried Kayleigh after they had stopped giggling and noticed that the Doctor was standing up with a look of triumph on his face.**

**"No,i won. Now i want you to clean up the mess and sit on the sofa until your parents get back" he ordered.**

**"No,you can't tell us what to do" whined Kieran kicking him on the ankle again.**

**"Yes i can,i'm bigger than you two and i am the babysitter,not yous. Now clean up, cmon chop chop" he said clapping his hands. The twins did as theyw ere told and they had to sit on the sofa while the Doctor bored them to death.**

**"And that was how Mr chumness saved the world from the evil giant pepperpots" he said as the twins yawned with boredom.**

**"Giant pepperpots,booooooorring. What did they do anyway,pepper everyone to death?" Asked Kayleigh with a grumpy look on her face.**

**"No,they didn't pepper everyone to death,they erm they. Never mind."he said.**

**"But why Giant pepperpots,why not man eating slugs from mars? suggested Kieran.**

**"Because it's my story and if i wnat to have evil giant pepperpots then that's what i'll have. Ha." The twins were unimpressed with his idea about a schoolteacher called Mr. Chumness saving the world from Giant pepperpots.**

**Two hours later the Doctor had bored them so much that they fell asleep.**

**"You are a genius" he whispered to himself as he snuck into the kitchen to help himelsf to a tuna sandwich.An hour later, The twin's parents came back.**

**"Wow you're good" whispered Martha as the couple picked up their sleeping children and headed to the front door.**

**"I know,i told them on of my best stories" he said feeling impressed with himself. After the twins had gone home,he and martha went inside the Tardis for more adventures.**

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**This is the first funny Dr who story. The next chapter will be another funny Dr who story. If you like it leave a review but if you don't then don't. No flames if there is going to be any reviews.Chapter two will be up ASAP.**


	2. Daleks in Tescos

**Daleks in tescos**

**"THE SHIP IS APPROACH-ING A BUILDING KNOWN AS TES-COS" yelled a Dalek from inside the space craft as it came to a landing just outside Tescos.**

**"WE WILL ROB THE PLACE AND THEN RETURN TO THE MOTH-ER SHIP" the leader ordered.**

**"WE OBEY" yelled the other three Daleks. They left the ship and headed to the trolley stand.**

**"WE WILL USE THESE TROLL-EYS TO STEAL STUFF"ordered the bossy Dalek. They pulled the shopping trolleys from their place and pushed them into the shop. It was packed with humans but they didn't notice the four Daleks.**

**"SEP-E-RATE,GO AND LOOK FOR I-TEMS YOU CAN NICK". The three Daleks headed off in diferent directions and the leader went over to the magazine rack. It looked at the different magazines and was horrified when it saw a Dr who magazine.**

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHH,IT IS A MA-GA-ZINE ABOUT THE DOC-TOR,EX-TER-MIN-ATE,EX-TER-MIN-ATE" and it shot the Dr who magazine. Unfortunatly it burst into flames,causing the whole magazines to go up.**

**"DRAT,I WANTED TO DESTROY THE DOC-TOR MAG-A-ZINE,NOT THE WHOLE LOT" and it scooted off knocking a few curry jars off the shelf into it's shopping trolley.**

**One of the Daleks was rolling around the frozen food section as was staring at a large tub of icecream.**

**"MUST HAVE THE GIANT BOX THAT CON-TAINS A YUM-MY LOOKING SUB-STANCE" and it used it's plunger to pick up the tub and throw it into the trolley. Another was looking at the clothes section and it had a hat on it's head.**

**"I LOOK FUN-KY" it said as it admired itself in a mirror before going off again. The third Dalek was in the tv section and was gormlesly watching a football match on one of the widescreen tvs.**

**"ME WANT TV" it said reaching out for the biggest tv,knocking it off the shelf in the process. The tv shattered into a million pieces and the Dalek scooted off to nick some beer.**

**Meanwhile a member of staff was minding her own buisness when the Four Daleks showed up at her till.**

**"Erm hello,you want me to price check all your items?" she asked trying to be friendly.**

**"WE WANT THESE ITEM S WITH-OUT PAY-ING" demanded the Leader Dalek. **

**"I'm sorry but you have to pay" the woman said simply. The four Daleks raised up their guns and pointed them at the woman.**

**"LET US HAVE THESE I-TEMS FOR FREE OR YOU WILL BE EX-TER-MIN-ATED" the leader shrieked. The woman was very scared so she let them take the items without paying.**

**"I WAN-TED A WIDE-SCREEN TV" Whined one of the Daleks.**

**"SHUT UP YOU I-DIOT. WE MUST RE-TURN TO THE MO-THER SHIP,THOSE HU-MANS ARE AF-TER US". They wheeled round to see several security guards chasing after them.**

**"RE-TREAT,RE-TREAT" all four Daleks yelled heading back to their ship with the stolen items in tow. **

**"PHEW,THAT WAS CLOSE.WE ES-CAPED THE HU-MANS" they all cheered.**

**"WANT TO TRY THIS GUYS?" asked one of them. The three Daleks turned around to see the one that just spoke covered in rasberry ripple icecream.**

**"YOU LOOK STU-PID" Shrieked the leader Dalek.**

**"BUT IT SO'S PRET-TY" It said hapily. The other Three Daleks all closed in on it. **

**"WHAT?" It asked with confusion.**

**"I WANT TO TRY SOME" Demanded the leader.**

**"NE-VER,I STOLE IT SO IT'S MINE BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA". The other three Daleks chased the icecream covered Dalek around the ship unaware that it was surrounded by coppers yelling for them to come out and put up their plungers.**


	3. The timelord that got drunk

**The timelord that got drunk**

**"Doctor will you get up and clean up this mess before i slap ya" Martha ordered. The Doctor was on the floor in a drunken heap due to the five pints he had earlier.**

**"Hey baby hic i'm sleping here. Give me a mars bar for my hic troubles" he said in a unmistakbly drunken tone.Martha rolled her eyes and heathed him to his feet.**

**"Wanna make looovvvvvveeeeee sweetheart?" he said grinning at Martha who slapped him round the face.**

**"No i don't you drunken oath. Oh i wish you wasn't drunk" she retalliated.She sat the drunk Timelord onto a chair where he began to sing.**

**"The parts of a flower are so constructive that very very often,the wind will cause pollunation bleurgh" he spewed all over Marth'a brand new goochie shoes causing her to faint but the Doctor continued to sing.**

**"Reproduction,Reproduction. Put ya pollen tube to work hic bleurgh" he spewed on his trainers and danced out of the tardis still singing.**

**"Teletubbies,teletubbies. Let's play cards hahahahahahahahaha" he was laughing really loud that he collasped on the grass and began to roll around still laughing until something tapped him on the shoulder. The Doctor pulled himselve to his feet and he came face to face with non other than a Dalek which was looking at him gone out.**

**"Helloooooooooo there gorgeous hic. Wanna come back to my place for some fun?" he said swaying on the spot.**

**"NO,I WANT TO EX-TER-MIN-ATE YOU" it shrieked pointing it's gun thingy at the drunken Doctor.**

**"Here have a stick to hit you're brother or sister with" and he shoved a large stick in the Dalek's gun. **

**"ENOUGH OF THIS FOOL-ISH-NESS,IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO BE DES-TROYED" and it prepared to fire but it was unsuccessful due to the stick.**

**"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH NO FAIR,I WANT TO EX-TER-MIN-ATE THE DOC-TOR,STUPID BLOODY STICK" and it rolled away making sobbing like noises. The Doctor grinned evilly then spewed again.**

**"If you can't beat em,sort em out in a different way" he chuckled as he staggered to a busy motoway but turned around and staggered into a nearby cowfield. He clambered over the fence and staggered through the field where the cows chased him. He tried to run but because he was drunk he fell head first into a pile of cow dung.**

**"Ewwwwwwwww someone needs a bath ha" he chuckled as he slowly pulled himsleve up and continued to stagger through the field tripping up a few times.**

**After he left the field he was walking through a rough town area where people where throwing random things and shouting curse words to each other.**

**The Doctor was still staggering all over the place that he accidently walked into a rough looking thug.**

**"hey,watch were ya going you git" he snarled giving the Doctor a punch which knocked him out cold.**

**"Doctor,wake up". He came round and saw Martha smiling at him.**

**"What happened?" he asked with a very confused look on his face.**

**"You got drunk and ended up getting punched in the face. I found you dumped in one of those giant dustbins,you're face covered in cow shit" she explained. The Doctor clutched his head and groaned.**

**"Hangover?"Martha asked.**

**"Yep,feels like it. Oh man i am never drinking again" and he scurried to the bathroom where he spent hours in.**


	4. The substitute Nursery Teacher

the substitute Nursery Teacher

All the Children in Sunny Meadow's Nursery were all running around like normal ,waiting for their Teacher ,Mrs.Simpson to turn up. While the parents waited for the Teacher to turn up ,the Nursery Manager came to give out some news.

"I'm very sorry to say that Mrs.Simpson will not be in today ,she's gone to have her ,went into labour unexpectedly this morning and i will be replacing you with a substitute Teacher until she comes back. So boys and Girls ,say hello to Mr Smith".

A tall man with brown hair and wearing a pin stripped suit walked into the Nursery and greeted all the kids.Later that day ,Mr.Smith had to sing Nursery Rhymes to the Children until they grew bored.

"Old Mcdonald had a farm ,ei I ei I o" he sang while playing a toy guitar. The Children all danced and begged Mr. Smith not to stop.

"Why don't you go and play for a bit and then we'll sing some more" suggested Mr. Smith but the Children were all having tantrum so he basicly gave in.

"Put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up ,put the lime in the coconut and drink it all" he sang while the Children played follow the leader with him.

At lunch ,the children had theire dinner and then they all went down for their afternoon naps ,giving Mr.Smith a break. He got his cup of tea and newspaper , only to discover that one of the Children had spilled their juice on it.

"Never mind ,accidents happen" he sighed. He took a drink from his coffee and then settled back into the Arm chair that he had not had a chance to sit in all morning.About halfpast Twelve,The Manager came to check how everything was.

"They're all a bunch of lively kids. Any news on Mrs.Simpson?" he asked.

"Yes. She gave birth to a little Girl an hour ago" the Manager explained happily. Mr.Smith nodded and smiled "tell her i said congratulations".

The Manager promised she will and also told Mr.Smith that he will be remaining a Substitute until Mrs.Simpson returns from her six month Maternity leave causing him to spill his coffee down his tie.

"Can we sing more songs Mr.Smith ,can we please?" begged the Children.Mr.Smith simply couldn't say no to the sweet ,innocent faces they were pulling so he hestitated.

He danced around with the guitar and a silly hat on his head singing more childish songs.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water ,Jack fell down and broke his crwon and Jill came tumbling after". After two hours of dancing and singing more than thirty songs ,he slumped into the Arm chair exhausted when one little girl who must have been around four came up to him and climbed on his knee.

"I like you Mr.Smith ,i want you to be our Teacher forever" and she gave him a hug. Pretty soon he found himself being hugged by nearly all the Children and thought to himself that it wouldn't be so bad after all.

When Hometime came ,Mr.Smith put on his big long brown coat and told all the Children to line up and wait for their Mummies and Daddies to come.

After the Children had gone ,Mr.Smith did some last minute tidying and then left the Nursery.When he got outside ,a Dark skinned woman was waiting for im.

"So how did it go then?" she asked as they both walked down the path and strangley walked dwon a nearby alley way.

"It was a bit hectic at first ,but i'll soon get used to it. I'm there for six months so we only get to go on adventures during the weekend. So i'm keeping the Tardis here until after my Six months are up".

The Doctor and Martha bothed walked into the Tardis and he gave on last look at the Nursery.

"I hope they won't want me to sing songs all day tomorrow" he joked.


	5. The Doctor's hair

The Doctor's hair

One morning The Doctor went to look in a mirror and discovered that his hair had grown really long.

"I look like a girl" he whimpered. His hair had grown right down to his feet and he didn't know how it could have grown that long overnight. When Martha walked into the Tardis control room and saw the Doctor's really long hair, she couldn't help but laugh.

"How could you're hair grow in that long all night. It could take years for it to grow that long" she giggled.Five minutes later, Jack arrived and he also got a glimpse of the Doctor's long locks.

"Ooooooooh its Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair" he taunted. Martha couldn't help but laugh at him and Jack kept teasing him, saying that he was going to put pretty pink ribbons in it. The Doctor didn't like having really long hair so he decided to go and have it cut.

The Doctor sat in the barber's chair and prepared to have the long locks chopped off.

"Right you wanta your hair chopping offa?" asked the italian Barber. The Doctor nodded and the Barber began chopping away. When he had finished, he gave the Doctor a mirror to look in.When he looked at himself he discovered that he had no hair left, he was boald.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" he yelled with his eyes shut. When he opened his eyes he discovered that he was back in the Tardis and his hair was back to normal.

"Phew, I must i've fallen asleep and had a dream about my hair being really long and then being chopped off" he told himself.He got to his feet and his hair suddenly fell out. The Doctor was very sad that he begged for his hair to stay on his head, but everytime he kept putting it back on his head, it quickly jumped off again. The Doctor got really angry with his hair that he superglued it to his head.

"Ha, now you can't escape" he cackled evily as he super glued his hair back onto his head.


	6. Cyberman vs Dalek

Cyberman vs Dalek

One day, a cyberman was doing his shopping in cyber-Asda. He was having a good time buying cyber-bread, cyber-milk and even cyber-baked beans. The cyberman decided he wanted to buy a cyber-magazine so he went to the cyber-magazine section.

When he got there, he saw a Dalek looking at a cyber-hello magazine. The Cyberman recognised the Dalek and he wasn't very happy about it.

"This is a shop for cybermen only, Daleks are banned because we hate them" he ordered. The Dalek put down the cyber-hello magazine and rolled up to the very angry cyber-man.

"YOU CAN-NOT BOSS ME AROUND, NO ONE BOSSES THE DA-LEKS AROUND" it shrieked. The cyberman wanted to show the Dalek who's boss so it did.

"Yes I can boss you around because i'm bigger than you" it said, making the Dalek really annoyed.

"OH YEAH, WELL YOUR MO-THER WAS A WINDBAG" it taunted, pointing its plunger at the cyberman's face.

"How dare you insult my mother, your mother was a lunch bucket". The Dalek moved closer tot he cyberman, brandishing it's ray gun.

"MY MOTH-ER WAS NOT A LUNCH BUCK-ET, SHE WAS A DA-LEK". The cyberman got out his tin of cyber-baked beans and threw them at the Dalek, who exterminated it causing all the cyber-baked beans to fly everywhere.

"I will delete you scum" the cyberman said angrilly.

"TALK TO THE PLUN-GER, BE-CAUSE THE FACE AIN'T LISTENING" the Dalek replied causing the cyberman to run up to it and began shaking the hell out of it. During the process, the Dalek exterminated the cyberman and then left Cyber-asda where it was crushed by a falling rock that had rolled from Mt Edna and rolled into Britain. All the cybermen and Daleks had a war after the cyber-asda incident and all the cybermen were Exterminated.

Ten years later, all the Daleks rolled onto a landmine where it exploding and all the Daleks got blown to smithereens.


	7. Dr who on a trampoline

Doctor who on a trampoline

The Doctor and Martha had left the Tardis down a nearby alley way when they made their way to Martha's Aunt and Uncle's house.

"They're really nice, Doctor. They might fix you a cup of tea" she told him when they arrived.

"Ah the pleasure of a british cup of tea, complete with ginger biscuits" the Doctor sighed as Martha knocked on the door. Two minutes later, Martha's uncle Bob answered. He was a big beefy man with a moustache.

"Hello uncle Bob" Martha said cheerily. Even though he had a rough looking apearance, he was actually a soft as teddy bears.

"Hello love, Who's your friend?" he asked nodding at the Doctor who was admiring a spider.

"Oh this is my New friend from work. His name is Dr John Smith". Bob took an instand liking to the Doctor and shook his hand.

"I am so pleased to meet your Mr John Smith" he said cheerily. The Doctor gave him a very big cheesy grin.

The house was all posh and well kept. The Doctor was making a good effort at making himself at home. He was sat on one of the leather sofas with his hands behind his back and with his feet up.

"Would you like a cup of tea Mr.Smith?" asked Martha's Aunt Zara.

"Ooooh yes. Nothing beats a good old british cup of tea" he replied , rubbing his hands briskly together. Before he knew it he was sipping a really nice cup of tea.Just then a small girl appeared in the front room and she looked no older than eight.

"Oh, you haven't met my cousin Hannah have you?" Martha asked the Doctor as he acidently spilled sometea down his tie.

"No i haven't. Nice to meet you Hannah" he said putting outs his hand which Hannah simply shook.

"You want to come and see my trampoline Mr...?"

"Smith" the Doctor corrected her.

Hannah took the Doctor by the hand and led him out into the back garden where a big trampoline was stood.

"Bet ya never been on one before" said Hannah, grinning mischievously.

"Of course i have, but it was a long time ago" he replied.

"Problay when you were a kid i expect" said Hannah "well why don't you go on it. I can tell by the look on your face". Indeed she was right, because the Doctor was rinning like mad and before she knew it he was undoing his trainers and leaping onto the big trampoline.

The little girl watched in awe as the Doctor bounced up and down.

"BOINGA" he yelled at the top of his lungs, waving his arms around like windmills. Determined not to miss out, Hannah undid her trainers and also leaped onto the trampoline.

"Come on, can't you jump higher than that?" he asked as he bounced really high as Hannah only made it about a couple of inches from the surface.

"Well. you're alot taller than me. I'm too small to jump that high" she complained.

"Well, i'll hold both your hands and then we'll jump together" the Doctor suggested, taking hold of both Hannah's hands. The pair of them jumped up and down and Hannah felt herself going at the same height as the Doctor.

"Wow, i neverk new anyone who could jump so high as you" she said.The Doctor gave her one of his cheesy grins as they continued jumping.The two of them had been jumping for hours until her Mother told her that the Doctor and Martha had to go.

"Don't worry, i'll problay see you again" he reassured Hannah who was upset about him leaving.He and Martha waved goodbye and then headed back to the Tardis.


	8. The weird story

The weird story ( a result of me in a hyper mood)

One day, the Doctor rode to the moon on his Tardis. He jumped off and the Tardis fell off squashing the Master into a pancake. The Doctor also fell off the moon because the moon didn't want him walking all over him.The Master sat underneath a tree, reading a book when a Dalek fell out of the tree and landed on the Master's head.

A Cyberman was sat at home watching a football match when he was arrested by the Judoon and sentenced to being burnt on a stake.Martha was in a shop taking photos of workmen, her photos were devoloped but got ran over by a rolling Rock. Martha cried and choked the Master. The Doctor was singing crazy in love by Beyonce when a giant Dalek attempted to eat him. The Doctor was scared that he screamed like a litle girl.

The Master was dong a bit of internet surfing when his computer exploded and he was blown out of a window.The Doctor kissed Martha and they got married and they lived happily ever after.

where are they now

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The Doctor-married to Martha and has three kids called Louis, Zara and Rose junior

Marthas-Married to the Doctor and has the same kids as the Doctor

The Master-dead

Cyberman-was currently turned into a mantlepice to be placed in a big posh house in the 17th century

The Master-dead

Dalek-currently doing time in jail for exterminating a dog

The Master-still dead thank god

The Judoon- they all got fired so are now trainee dustbin men

The Master-alive and currenlty working in a chip shop arggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


	9. Another weird story

Another weird story

Mickey was working in a car lot when he got ran over by a ten ton truck. Rose cried for Mickey. The Doctor's ears grew big and all the children in the world confused him with the elephant man. The Daleks robbed a bank and exterminated a poilce officer.Rose stole a car and crashed it but she didn't die because she flew out of the car.

The Doctor danced to the conga but he fell over and broke his foot.He was taken to hospital and fell in love with the nurse. Mickey took a fancy to a scottish girl that they went to china and eloped.The Doctor and Rose went to the pictures to see The latest Harry potter movie but were thrown out when the Doctor kept tossing popcorn at people's heads.Mickey got the measles and burst into flames.A Dalek got crushed by a falling meteor and the Doctor was happy. He celebreted by bungee jumping off the great wall of china. The Master stepped onto a landmine and blew up.

Martha met Rose and they competed in a Bitch slap to see who the Doctor belongs to.Mickey went bungee jumping but forgot his Harness and died. Captain Jack got a job in a chip shop but was fired for accidently burning the fish. He ran away to Japan and was never seen or heard from again. A Cyberman got run over by a reindeer and the Daleks were happy. The Master met Mickey and wanted to kill him but Mickey tossed the master into a snake pit. He was eaten alive by a hundred snakes and eighty lizards. The whole Doctor who characters competed in an egg and spoon race. The Master broke his egg and he commited sucide by shoving his head in a piranha infested lake.

The Daleks invaded japan. Cassandra ate Mickey because she was hungry, she also ate a car,the Master and the Tardis. Cassandra wasn't fat, she ran away to mars and died.

Where are they now?

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The Doctor-tragicly died in the bunjee jumping process but regenerated into Johnny depp

Rose-she lost the bitch slap so she got sucked into the Alternative world. She is currnelty working as a waistress in Mcdonalds

Martha-won the bitch slap and isn ow married to the Doctor. They have seven kids called Bob, Jim, Carla, Bill, Ben,Holly and Bethany

The Master-dead and will hopefully stay that way

The Daleks-were banned from exterminating by the goverment so they spend there time unblocking public toilets

The Master-still dead yaaaaaayyyyyyy.

Captain jack-is still in Japan. No one knows what he is doing now but rumor has it that he was eaten by Godzilla

Mickey-curently stranded on mars after Cassandra blew up. He has gone insane and killed all the martians.

The Master-Still dead,phew

Rose's mum-is currently ruler of the whole world. She has a pet cat called Mr Twinkles.

The Master-alive and working as a binman arrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Special news report

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More than a thousand Daleks were seen invading blackpool today. All the residents had to be forced out of their homes and taken to a safer place. The Master was currently seen working as a binman in east London. He was pissed off that he shot one of his fellow binmen. There is still no news on Captain Jack's where-abouts but rumor has it that he was eaten by Godzilla while popping to the shops to buy some hair gel. If you have seen him then please call the number 011266-Captain Jack is handsome and let us know where he is.


	10. Just one more weird story

Just one more weird story

Martha went to the zoo and witnessed The Master getting eaten by a Lion. The Doctor played a game of poker with a Dalek and lost. He had to jump in a river with all his clothes on. Mickey fell into the blackhole and was never seen again.The Master got a rash and blew up. The Cybermen all lost their minds and chopped their heads off.

Rose spend the night in a caravan on a rainy night. The caravan got washed away by the river and Rose was reported missing. The Doctor went for a job in Mcdonalds and got a fetish for the cheeseburgers. He ate them all and was fired.Martha found a yoyo in the middle of the road. She went to get the yoyo but a car ran over it. Martha cried and set fire to a Dalek.

The Master went scuba diving but forgot his gear and died. Martha found a four leave clover and hugged the Doctor. The Doctor was happy that he danced to the YMCA in front of the Mirror with a shower cap on his head.The Master got a job in a chip shop but he fell in a giant chip pan.The Daleks went to france and took over the Eifel Tower. Rose's mum discovered that her daughter was still inside the caravan that got washed away and went to find her but went missing.

The Doctor bought a flower for Martha but it dried out in his pocket. Martha fell in love with Mickey. They went to Japan and eloped. Cassandra discovered she was having babies. The Master got eaten by a tiger.

The Doctor got a year supply of chewing gum but got all stuck up in it.

where are they now ?

----------------------------

The Doctor-still stuck in chewing gum which will take seven years to melt

The Master-dead yippee

Martha-Is married to Mickey and still living in Japan. They have 4 kids called Homer. Bert. Maggie and Mickey Junior

The master-Still dead. Thank god.

Rose-is still missing.

Rose's mum-is currently in Japan where she is has been made to marry a Sumo wrestler

Mickey-is married to Martha and has four kids but you already know their names.

The Daleks-still in france but have been put in a french priosn after blowing up Notre dame

The Master-alive and is the ruler of the world arrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhh. He also has a Roitweiler called Bruce.

Special news report

Cassandra-Went to Scotland and has 87042 kids who are all afraid of her.

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Captain jack is still missing and all the ladies are getting worried about him.Rose Tyler is missing and the poilce are on the look for a green Caravan with the brand name Nike graffitied on it because that is the caravan that Rose was in went it got washed away down a river on a bad rainy night. If you have seen it then call the number 00001234567-Rose tyler campaign.


	11. Doctor who's mom

Doctor who's mom

The Doctor pottered around the Tardis, fileing his nails when all of a sudden his mobile phone bleeped. He took it out of his pocket to read the message.

"Oh no, not now. Oh i must get away" he panicked. Soon after he was running around the Tardis trying to make it tidy and there was a knock at the door.The Doctor gulped and gave his hair a quick tidy.

He walked up to the Tardis door and opened it. Stood before him was a sligthly fat woman with a handbag and umbrella.

"Hello Mother" the Doctor greeted the woman who barged past him and walked into the Tardis.

"See you've given this place a bit of redecoration since I last saw you" she said in a really posh like voice.

"Yeah well, I got bored with the previous design so I made it more glam" the Doctor replied. His mother walked up to him to get a good look at his appearance.

"I see you've got rid of that ridculas scarf. You've regernated into quite a goodlooking fellow. I bet all the girls are after you" she joked.The Doctor felt himself going red.

"Well my incarnation before this had big ears and a big nose".His mother whacked him over the head with her handbag.

"What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his head.

"For talking about your previous incarnations. Haven't I taught you anything? never talk about your previous incarnations. That's the rules". The Doctor rubbed his sore head and sat down. His Mother was boring him silly with her stupid lectures.

"Do you change your underwear everyday?" she asked getting out a ciggy and lighting it.

"Yes mother, I change them everyday when I get dressed" he sighed. His mother gave him a big sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Good boy, oh my wickle boy. You look look so handsome". She had embraced him in a rather embarrassing hug.

"Mother, don't your crushing my timelord organs, I'd appreciate it if you didn't squeeze any harder, otherwise you'll end up crushing my timelord biceps". His mother let go.

"And do you clean your teeth everyday?" she asked strictly. The Doctor showed his mother his pearly whites and she was satisfied.

"Good. Now where's my room?" she asked.

"Room?" The Doctor asked, giving her a strange look.

"Yes, I need to have a room since i'm moving in."

"Erm, mother will you stand over here for a moment." he said taking his mother by the hand and leading her into a spot in the Tardis.

"Now stay there while I go and sort out your room". He scooted off and his mother stayed standing still on the spot where he had instructed her to stand.Two seconds later she was catapulted out of the Tardis. The Doctor came back into the control room and sat down.

"I knew that catapult button will come in handy one day".


	12. The is the last weird story

This is the last weird story

Mickey rode a Dalek to the moon. The Dalek jumped off and killed the Master. Mickey licked the moon and it tasted like cat poo. The Master fell into a time portal where he was eaten by the face of boe. Martha bought a hat with mustard stains on. The Master shot a baby bird but the baby bird's mother ate him.

A Dalek was in a boat and it started raining rats. The Dalek exterminated all the rats and a shark ate it. The Doctor lost his marbles in a card game. He jumped off a cliff and vanished.

The year was 80009 and Martha was serving for Robot parliement. The Master fell into a soup boiler and was killed. The Daleks turned into killer kittens and went around milkinganating humans. The Doctor and Martha found a lucky rabbit's foot and ate it. Mickey got eaten by the moon after he licked it several hundred times. He had also died from moon licking poisoning. The Master got tied to a firework. Martha ate a cat, a rollercoaster, a rock, a penny, the whole world, a boot, the Tardis, Mickey, Rose, Rose's mum and some of the Doctor's socks. Martha wasn't fat. The Master was so he died.

Rose found a go-cart and burnt it. The Doctor ate the Master for a sunday dinner roast. He was happy and confessed his love to Martha. Martha was happy so she and the Doctor moved to new gallifrey and got married.

The Killer kittens turned back into Daleks and they were happy.Mickey fell to earth in a christmas tree which fell in love with him.

The Master went to a nightclub where he was clubbed to death by teenage thugs. The Daleks went to a football match and exterminated everyone there.

Where are they now?

----------------------------

The Doctor-married to martha and has 12567 sons who all act and dress like him

Martha-Married to the Doctor and has 346578 daughters who all act and dress like her

The Master- dead and lets hope he stays that way this time

Mickey-is married to the christmas tree. They have 1 billion children

The Daleks- are currently doing time delivering teapots as a punhisment for exterminating a football match.

The Master-still dead,phew

Rose-got ran over by a reindeer.

The Master-alive and dangerous arrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh

Special news report

-----------------------------

Captain Jack was found today in tokyo. He was currently seen eating in a japanese restaurant. He is planning to return to the uk which will not be until 20114.


	13. Dr Who's phobia

Dr who's Phobia

The Doctor was sat in his precious Tardis doing some knitting when he noticed something moving from the corner of his eye. He put down the jumper he was knitting and looked to see what had moved.It was a Spider.

"ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH"he screamed jumping up onto the chair.Martha came in to see what all the fuss was about. When the Doctor pointed out the Spider and whimpered, Martha tried not to laugh.

"It's just a spider, it's more scared of you than you are of it" she exclaimed.

"KILL IT, MURDER THE EIGHT LEGGED, BLOOD THIRSTY MONSTER" he shouted. Trying still not to laugh, Martha put the Spider on a piece of cardboard and then put a glass over it.

"GET IT OUT OF MY TARDIS, I DON'T WANT THAT EVIL CREATURE IN MY TARDIS" he shouted. Martha picked up the spider and then set it free.

"I don't know why you're setting it free, it could come back and try to eat me or something" he said as he stepped down from the chair."I don't thing it will Doctor, You probaly scared it with your shouting. I don't thing it will bother coming back".

The Doctor relaxed and got back to his Knitting.

"I won this time, no eight legged evil bloodthirsty spider is getting in my Tardis again".

The next Day, The Doctor was in the Tardis Kitchen making some breakfast. As he poured some cornflakes onto his favourite kellogs bowl, a Spider fell out amongst the Cornflakes.The Doctor screamed and tossed the Cornflake box into the air causing all the Cornflakes to fly everywhere. A Half-asleep Martha came walking into kitchen and saw The Doctor perched on the kitchen table.

"What's wrong now Doctor?" she sighed.

"THERE'S A SPIDER IN MY CONRFLAKES" he bellowed pointing at the spider which hadn't budged from the bowl.

"Honestly, Doctor. You're scared of a little incy wincy spider but you're not scared of big Monster Alines that have obsessions of taking over the world" she sighed as she prepared to set the spider free.

"No dont set it free" the Doctor said jumping down from the table. Martha dropped the Spider on the floor and the Doctor began jumping on it.

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, TAKE THAT YOU SPAWN DEMON,EIGHT LEGGED MONSTER. EAT MY CORNFLAKES WOULD YOU?, WELL IT'S TIME TO PAY THE PRICE BWUHAHAHAHAHAHA". Martha shrugged and made herself a coffee as the Doctor continued to brutally Murder the Spider and laughing evilly.


	14. The Doctor sings 500 miles

The Doctor sings 500 miles

Martha and The Doctor were sat in the Tardis console room, completly bored out of their heads.

"What we gonna do?" Sighed Martha letting out a huge yawn. The Doctor responded by shrugging and pulling a face. Martha looked at him with disaprovement and told him he wasn't helping much.

"I'll sing for you if you like" he said all of a sudden. Martha shrugged and said " if you want to". The Doctor grinned and he pulled out a microphone from behind the Tardis chair. He walked up to the front of the Tardis and turned to face Martha.

"You're going to love this one. Got a real treat for you tonight" he spoke into the Microphone. Music began playing and the Doctor began to sing

"When I wake up well I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you"

Martha busrt out laughing like a hyena.

"You're not waking up next to me" she laughed. The Doctor managed a small chuckle and continued to sing.

"When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you"

"You can take me out anytime" Martha joked with a laugh. The Doctor continued singing.

"If I get Drunk well I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you" he was interupted again by Martha's hysterical giggles.

"I'd like to see you drunk" he laughed. "Thankyou" replied the Doctor with a huge grin before going back to his song.

"And if I haver yeah I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you

but I would walk 500 miles

and I would walk 500 more

just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles

to fall down at your door". Martha seemed to be getting into the groove with the tune and began dancing along.

"When I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you". Martha spoke again.

"You don't work lazy lumps" she said jokingly. He smiled again then returned to the song.

"And when the money comes in for the work I'll do

I'll pass almost every penny on to you". Martha smiled and emotional kind of smile and looked as though she was about to cry.

"Ahhhhhhhhh you're so genorous". The Doctor smiled and agreed that he was.

"When I come home oh I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you

And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you" and he again went to the chorus

"But I would walk 500 miles

and I would walk 500 miles

just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles

to fall down at your door

when I'm lonely well I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man whose lonely without you".

"Well I'm not going anywhere" Replied Martha.

"Thanks" he smiled.He began singing again.

"And when I'm dreaming well I know I'm gonna dream

I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you". Martha began laughing again like a hyena.

"Bet you will" she joked.

"When I go out well I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you

and when I come home yes I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who comes back home with you

I'm gonna be the man whose coming home with you" and back to the chorus

"But I would walk 500 miles

and I would walk 500 more

just to be the man who walks 1,000 miles

to fall down at you're door" and the song ended. Martha clapped like a young child.

"That was ace" she cheered. The Doctor smiled and did a bow.

"You've been a wonderful audience tonight" he spoke throught the microphone.Martha giggled and sat back down on the chair again. The Doctor joined her.


	15. Laxativ effects

Laxativ effects

"Are sure this chocolate bar tastes good?" the Doctor asked as Martha gave him a chocolate Almond bar.

"Oh yeah, You'll love it. It contains Almonds and Milk Chocolate". The Doctor grinned and grabbed the Chocolate from Martha.

"I love chocolate" he said, admiring he Chocolate bar that was right in front of his eyes. Martha chuckled as he ripped of the wrapper and began wolfing the choccy down.

"You were right Martha. This is one good Chocolate bar" he said as he woffled it down. Martha saw how much he liked the chocolate almond bar so she bought him about hundred more bars.

"These were on special offer. Buy a box of hundred Chocolate Almond bars for a fiver" she explained. The Doctor grinned and began eating all the Chocolates in the box.

They lasted for two days and then were all gone.

"Oh man I love Choc-" all of a sudden he clutched his stomach "I just need to go to the loo for a poo" and he stood up and made a quick dash to the toilet. Martha looked at the back of the packet and then knocked on the toilet door.

"Did I mention that it also contains laxativs" she spoke.

"No you grrrrr Didn't. Thanks grrrrr alot" the Doctor replied from behind the Toilet door. "So how long you going to be in there for?" asked Martha.

"All day by the grrrrrrrrr looks of it" he strained. Martha nodded. "Ok, I'll be in the tv room watching Jerry Springer. I'll leave you to dispose of the laxativs".

"Thanks alot grrrrrrrrrr" the Doctor replied as well as straining.


	16. Daleks vs Eastenders characters

Daleks vs Eastenders characters

Peggy Mitchell

------------------

Peggy Mitchell was behind the bar cleaning the glasses when four Daleks entered the vic. Peggy stopped cleaning the glasses and looked at the Daleks.

"Sorry fellas, but the pub closed an hour ago, come back tomorrow" she told them. "WE DON'T WANT BEER, WE WANT TO CON-QER YOUR PUB" shrieked one of the Daleks. Peggy raised an eyebrow. "Oh no you don't. I own this pub and I won't let a bunch of rolling dustbins take over" she shouted.

"HAND OVER THE PUB OR YOU WILL BE EX-TER-MIN-ATED" yelled all four Daleks. Furious, Peggy drew a deep breath and bellowed "GET OUTTA MY PUB". and for the first time, the Daleks did as they were told because they were scared of Peggy.

Ian Beale

----------------

Ian had just opened up the Cafe when a bunch of Daleks came in unannounced.

"Hi, sorry fellas but I've just opened up and won't be serving for another hour" Ian told the Daleks who were busy exterminating different items."Hang on, what are ya doing, stop that". One of the lazer beams just missed Ian as it aimed for the doughnut bowl. After the Daleks had finished trashing the cafe, Jane and the twins entered.

"Now what happened here?" asked Lucy looking around the cafe that was now trashed. Ian, sweaty and red-faced pointed at the Daleks.

"It was them" he replied. "Aye carumba!" shouted Peter. Jane told the Daleks off. "You are very naughty, I should have an ASBO set on you lot" she told them.

"TRY IT AND YOU WILL BE EX-TER-MIN-ATED" a Dalek threatenend. Jane did a slight "eep" and the Twins were throwing pieces of broken china at the Daleks.

"EMERGENCY, ATTACK, UNDER ATTACK. E-VAC-U-ATE BUILDING" the Daleks chanted before rolling out of the cafe, Peter and Lucy still throwing china at them.

Phil Mitchell

--------------------

Big, Hard Phil was walking around the square when he saw a Dalek wondering around.

"OI, YOU. WHAT DO YA THINK YA DOING?"yelled Phil running towards the Dalek who turned to face Phil.

"HALT" it ordered. Phil stopped running on the spot. "I'm hard, don't mess with me" he grunted as he came up close with the Dalek.

"I AM NOT SCARED OF YOU, DA-LEKS DO NOT FEAR" the Dalek replied. Phil rolled his eyes and blew a rasberry. "Ya don't scare me" he replied. The Dalek watched as Jay Brown came passing by. "Hey pepperpot, is this yours?" asked Jay sticking up his middle Finger at the Dalek.

"I DON'T FIND THAT AM-U-SING" the Dalek bellowed "EX-TER-MIN-ATE" and Jay was exterminated. "Ooooooooh I say" said Dot who had just witnessed Jay being exterminated.

"ON YOUR BIKE OLD WO-MAN OR YOU WILL BE EX-TER-MIN-ATED TOO" the Dalek shrieked. "Oooooh I say" said Dot again before running off. Phil forgot about being hard and ran off like a wimp.

More to come in the next chapter...


	17. Dr who's worst nightmare

Dr who's worst Nightmare

The Doctor was bored and he didn't know what to do so he decided to doze of for a little while. He then had the most weirdest dream you could ever have.

He was stood in the middle of a bright glittering desert, filled with pink and purple frills. "Wow, what planet is this?" the Doctor asked himself. He then noticed a sigh and skipped to it. On the sigh it said WELCOME TO PLANET GAY, WHERE YOUR ENEMIES ARE...GAY". The Doctor couldn't help but laugh at this after he read it.

"I must be dreaming, I can't imagine one of my worst enemies being gay". Suddenly he heard a noise behind him, a noise which sounded like smooching and tittering. The Doctor turned around and saw a cyberman in pink frills marching up to him, making smoochy noise.

"Arrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a Gay Cyberman" he screamed running away like a frightened little girl.He ran as fast as he could, looking behind him every two seconds to make sure that the gay Cyberman wasn't chasing after him. He ran for a long time and he bumped into one of his worst enemies in the world...a Dalek. But this one was pink, purple and glittery.

"Arrrghhhhhhhhh a Dalek" the Doctor yelled.

"No worst" said the Dalek. It's voice sounded camp and not the usual robot-like voice "I'm a Gaylek. Exkissinate". The Doctor screamed again and ran away with the Gaylek chasing after him saying "exkissinate". The Doctor ran as fast and far as he could until he came to a dead end. The poor bloke was trapped and more gay Cybermen and more Gayleks were closing in on him, making smooching noises and saying "exkissinate". The Doctor yelled and then he woke up.

"Phew, I was dreaming" he said with relief. "God I hate Gay people".


	18. the bizzare maths lesson

Dr who's math lesson for varies tv and film characters goes wrong

The Doctor entered the maths classroom and set his briefcase on the front desk.

"Hello class, are we sitting comfortably?". The class nodded in boredom. The class was made up of varies tv and film characters which included. Harry potter, Pikachu, Bart simpson, Martha jones, Phil mitchell, Brock, Meowth (who suprisingly was wearing a hoody and shades) Ian beale, Voldemort, Rose tyler, Nikki from big brother, Tracy from Big Brother, Ash ketchum, and Homer simpson.

" Right" the Dr continued " today we will be doing maths". Several groans could be heard coming from some of the class. Brock however was sat between Martha and Rose,chatting them up.

"So which one of you fine dames will go out with me?". The two girls whacked Brock over the head with a hammer and he fell of his chair. "In your dreams squinty eyes" Martha retorted as the Dr continued to teach them all dreaded Maths.

"Today we will being doing decimals" he explained as he wrote the word DECIMALS on the white board. Homer and Bart where throwing paper areoplanes as his back was turned, pluso ne hit the Doc on the back. Noticing he turned tound and saw the stduents looking innocent. "if i find who did that" he said before going back to the board. "I CAN'T DO IT" screamed Nikki from the corner. The others all turned round to look at her.

"What's wrong?" the Doctor asked the blonde screaming girl. "I CAN'T SHARPEN MY PENCIL BECAUSE IT KEEPS BREAKING " she screamed. PIkachu stuck marsmallows in his ears "Pikachu pika, pi, chu pika.Translation: shut up you stupid bitch you're giving me an ear ache". Brock came up to Nikki and attempted to chat her up.

"Don't be angry baby, I'll understand your Troubles". Nikki hit him with a frying pan. "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU SQUINTY EYED FREAK" she screamed that it made the whole room shake. "Weeeeeeeeeee" yelled Bart as he went flying into the dustbin. Harry turned Brock into a cupcake then put a sign on which read DO NOT EAT. IS VERY HORNY TO BEAUTIFUL WOMEN . The beautiful girls where satisfied that Brock had been turned into a cupcake but Homer being the greedy idiot that he is was about to eat Brock the cupcake but the Doctor stopped him.

"It says do not eat" he explained. Pikachu pissed on Homer's head because he was desperate to go and couldn't hold it in. "Why you little..." Homer growled as he chased pikachu round the classroom.

"Pikachu, give this fat yellow blob a big shock" Ash commanded the yellow rodent. Pikachu stood on Homer's head and gave him a big shock.

"Did I meet Jesus?" Homer asked as he layed in a crumpled heap on the floor. "ave it" said Tracy for no reason. "And you are?" the Doctor asked clearly not recognising her.

"I'm Tracy, deal with it" she replied. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Nikki screamed. The Doctor turned around to Nikki.

"What now?" he sighed."I'VE DROPPED MY PEN ON THE FLOOR ARRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH. I CAN'T DO IT" and she jumped out of an open window (luckily it was from the ground floor so she was ok, but she ran away and jumped into a lake)."Well, looks like we've lost a student" the Doctor simply said. Meanwhile, Phil had Ian in a headlock.

"Get off me Mitchell, I swear I didn't touch your private stash" Ian begged.

"Stop lying, I saw you touching my private stash" Phil grunted. "But that wasn't me, it was my evil twin, Bian Sneale". All of a sudden, Ian's evil twin Bian came crashing through the window.

"Hahahahahahaha, I touched your private stash" he laughed pointing at phil who had got Pikachu and Meowth to attack him. "Never mess with a mitchell" he said. The Dr was wanting to proceed with the lesson but Voldemort and Harry started a duel.

"SIT DOWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN" the Doctor bellowed. Homer farted, Bart burped, Pikachu fell of his seat and rolled into the dustbin, Meowth left a present in the corner (snicker snicker) and for some reason Brock was back.

"Who turned me into a horny cupcake, because I don't need to be as I already am horny" he grinned. "I know you're horny Brock, I see you chatting up pretty girls nearly everyday" Ash sighed.

"Can I continue with the lesson now?" the Doctor asked, sweaty but calmer. There was no replie . "Thankyou. Right, Decimals. Can anybody tell me where the..." he was once again interupted by Pikachu and Meowth having a burping competion. "WILL YOU TWO STOP IT NOW" he shouted. The two pokemon stopped suddenly and bothed looked innocent. "Thankyou" and he walked back to the board. "Ok, as I was rudely interupted I wish to continue with the lesson. Ok Decimals, They..." he was interupteed again by Bart making farting noises on his elbow. "ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR GET OUT, NOW. EVERYBODY GET OUT I'VE HAD ENOUGH" he shouted.

"Woohoo home time" Homer yelled. The whole class got up and lefted.

"Hey what about Meowth?" Meowth asked as he finished doing his buisness in the corner. "You're mine moggy" Ash said, trying to pick up Meowth "You're coming with me for abit".

"Nooooooo i'm stuck with pikachu and the twerps. But I could steal pikachu when he's not looking muhahahahahah" Meowth thought. Meanwhile the Doctor decided not to go back to teaching for a while.


	19. No tv and no beer

No tv and no beer...

"I can't wait to get to this Hotel place, Martha" the Doctor grinned to his Assistant who was packing his underpants.

"Yes I know that, you said about 1345 times this morning. Anyway, why do I have to pack your Underwear?". Martha was now getting annoyed with packing a bunch of boxers and y-fronts.

"A ladies job" he smiled.

An hour later, they were already in the Hotel and they had to themselves.

"Nice place, Now to kick back with a beer and some tv time" the Doctor grinned. Martha rolled her eyes as the Doctor rummaged through the fridge. "Oh, what do you know. No beer. Oh well, I'll watch some tv" and he went into the lounge and switched on the tv. There were no channels on, just fuzz. "No channels either. Oh well" he replied shrugging.

"I'm quite impressed, you're taking this quite well" Marthas replied. "Oh yes, I am calm. Just going to have a look around" and he quickly dashed out of the door. Later, that evening, Martha was in the lobby looking for the Doctor when she came across a typewriter that was on the table.

"Hmmmmmmmm, I wonder if he's been typing love letters" she wondered as she walked up to the typewriter. She was horrified at what was typed. It was no love letter but hundreds of lines which stated **NO TV AND NO BEER MAKE DOCTOR GO CRAZY. **Martha yelped like a puppy as the Doctor tapped her on the shoulder. She screamed and turned around.

"So what do ya think, Martha?. All I need is a title. So I was thinking along the lines No tv and no beer make Doctor go something something"

"Go Crazy?" Martha finished.

"Don't mind if I do" and he started doing crazy noises and making faces. Martha screamed and grabbed a baseball bat. "Stay away from Doctor, I mean it". She was backing up the Doors with the Doctor following her. "Gimmi the bat Martha, come on, give me the bat, give me the baaaaaaaat. Hahahaha scaredy cat eregh" he looked at his reflection and got scared by it, so he fell down the stairs and knocked himself out. Martha locked him in the pantry and ordered him to stay there until he was no longer crazy.

"Right, I'm going for a turd" and she headed back to their room. Meanwhile, the Doctor decided to scare the pants of her by pretenting to be completly doolally.

Meanwhile back in their room, Martha had finished doing her buisnees and was now cleaning the bathroom with disinfectant.

"Don't people ever clean this bathroom?" she sighed. Suddenly, the door moved and it freaked Martha out. "Don't come in here, I'm armed with disinfectant whoever you are" she said panicked. The Doctor peered his head through the door and yelled "HERE'S JOHNNY. Martha yelled and fell onto the floor as the Doctor laughed and opened the door.

"Hahahahahaah, I tricked you" he laughed, pointing at Martha who was layed out on the floor. She got up and pushed him to the floor.

"Don't ever do that again you moron, you made me nearly wet myself". The Doctor also mentioned that the whole going crazy thing was also a prank. Martha pushed him onto the floor again.

"Well don't do it again" she ordered. The Doctor grinned and suggested a mud wrestle. So they went outside and wrestled in the mud.

"This is revenge you know" Martha stated. The Doctor whimpered as she pushed his face into the mud.

The End.


	20. Christmas party in the Tardis

Christmas party in the Tardis

The Doctor was scurrying around trying to make the Tardis look very Christmassy, because he was having a Christmas party in the Tardis.

"Hey Martha, where do you want me to put this tinsel?" he asked his assistant Martha Jones whe was dressed in a bright red party dress. "Put it around the console, it'll look very nice" she suggested. The Doctor grinned and placed the large tinsel around the console.

"There, now all we need is the tree. Where it is?". Martha emerged from the back dragging a six foot tree behind her.

"I found this in the pantry" she said. The Doctor smiled and took the tree from Martha.

"You didn't need to carry that Martha" he chuckled as he placed up agaisnt the wall "now to put all the stuff on". He and Martha had a field day, putting the bright pink tinsel, the glittery baubles and the bright golden star on the tree. After the Tardis was done up, the doorbell rang.

"Oooooh goody, the guests have arrived" the Doctor spoke, rubbing his hands together. He opened the door and the whole of Martha's family came stampeding in.

"Nice tree" spoke a small child of about 6 who was pointing at the large tree. "Why didn't you tell me that you were inviting your whole family ther hmmm?" he asked sternly.

"I wanted them to meet you" Martha said rather suddenly. Suddenly the Master came busting in."Who invited you" the Doctor asked, rather shocked. "I invited myself, I love a party" and he headed to the buffet table and pushed inbetween a group of people.

"Hey Mr, you're pushing in" spat the six year old. The Master growled at her, making her squeal and hide behind her dad. Luckily she had told her dad and he sent the master falling head first into a bowl of punch.

"No body scares my little girl like that" he said triumph and strutting off. The Doctor shook his head as the Master stumbled around drunk and attermpted to chat up Martha's sister,Tish.

"You are on fine looking Bitch, fancy some of hows your father" he slurred with the glass of wine in his hand. Tish slapped him and joined her fiancce, Terry.

"Master, I suggest you leave right now" the Doctor told him sternly.

"Come on Doc, have some wine. It is Christmas after all" he suggested, making a glass of wine for the Doctor and shoving it in his hand. "Well it is Christmas" he said before taking a sip. Soon, both he and the Master were drunk and they were stood on the buffet table, with party hats on their heads, their Christmas bow ties askew and they were leaning on each other, singing.

"Don't you know how amazing it is to be loved by you" they both sang drunkenly "you are the one that I want oooh ohh". The party went on until thrree in the morning. The Doctor and the master were now complety drunk and had passed out on the buffet table. Martha ushered her family away and went to bed.

The next morning, The Master and the Doctor both had bad hangovers and they spend all day in the toilet whilst Martha cleaned up the mess.


	21. How the master stole christmas

Every Timelord in Gallifrey liked Christmas alot

but the Master who lived just on the other side of Gallifrey,did not

the Master hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season

Now, please don't ask why

No one, quite knows the reaosn

it could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right

it could be that his shoes were too tight

but I think the most likely reason of all

was that his Heart was two sizes too small

but what ever the reason, his heart or his shinetorch

he stood there on christmas eve,hating the timelords

"They'll be hanging their stockings" he snarled with a sneer

"Tomorrow is Christmas, it's practily here"

for tommorrow he knew all the time girls and boys

Would wake bright and early, and rush to their toys

And the noise! oh the noise,noise noise noise!

Then timelords young and old,would sit down to a feast

and they'll feast feast feast feast

they'll feast on time pudding and rare time roast beast!

It was something the master couldn't stand at least

Then timelords, tall and small

would stand hand in hand, christmas bells ringing

they'd stand hand in hand and the Timelords would start singing

and they'd sing sing sing sing!

and the more the master thought of timelord christmas sing

The more he thought "I must put a stop to this whole thing"

Why for thousands and thousands of years I've put up with it now

I must stop this Christmas from coming, but how?

Then he got an Idea

An awful idea

The Master got a wonderful-awful Idea

"I know just the trick" he laughed in his throat

"I'll make a quick santy clause hat and coat

"Now all I need is a reindeer" the Master looked around

but no reindeer was to be found

But did that stop the Master, no

Instead he said "why"

If I can;'t find a reindeer, I'll make one instead

so he called his Alien, bob

then he took some red Thread

and tied a big horn, on top of it's head

"Now you can pull my sleigh"

So the Master started down

Towards the dark Gallifrey town

Whlst the Timelord where all dreaming

sweet dreams without care

when he came to the first little Tardis on the square

Then he went to the chimney, a rather tight squeeze

but if santa could do it, then so could the Master

he got stuck only once for a moment or two

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue

In the Tardis, where all of the stockings were hung in row

"These stockings" he sneered " are the first things to go"

Then the Master, so smart and so slick

went around the whole Tardis and took every gift

He took the time pudding,he took the time roast beast

he clenaed out that Tardis kitchen as quick as a flash

why that master, he even took the last can of Time hash

"And now" grinned the Master "I stuff up the tree"

So he took the tree and started to shove

when he heard a small sound, like the cue of a dove

The master had been caught by this tiny Time Daughter

who had got out of bed for a cup of cold water

"Santa claus?" she asked "what are you doing with our tree?"

The Master was so smart and so slick, that he thought of a lie

and he thought of it quick

"Why my sweet little doll" the fake santy clause lied

"Theres a light on this tree, that won't light on one side"

"so I'm taking home to my workshop again,I'll fix it up there

and I'll bring it back here"

and his fib fooled then child, then he patted her head

got her a drink and sent her to bed

and the last thing he took was the log for their fire

on their walls he left nothing, but some hooks and some wire

and crumbs that were even to small for a mouse

When he finsihed, he packed up his sled

and to ther highest Mountain in gallifrey he fled

where he rode to the tip top to dump it

"Ha Timelords" the Master said humming

They'll wake up a know that Christmas won't be coming

and I'll know just what they'll do

All those Timelords in Gallifrey will all cry "boo-hoo"

"That is a sound I simply must hear"

So he paused, with a hand to his ear

And he heard a sound rising over the snow

it started in low-and it started to grow

but this sound wasn't sad

this sound sounded merry,It was merry, very merry

Every Timelord down in Gallifrey the tall and the small

were singing without any presents at all

He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming, it came

Without presents, it came just the same

The master stood puzzling in the snow

"how could it be so?"

It came without boxes, it came without tags

it came without packages, boxes or bags"

and he puzzled and puzzled, til his puzzler was sore

then the Master thought

"Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store

Christmas perhaps means a little bit more"

and what happened that day, well in Gallifrey they say

that the Master's small heart grew three sizes that day

so he returned all the gifts and the food for the feast

and he, the master carved the Roast beast!


	22. Dr who vs Mr Blobby

Dr Who vs Mr Blobby

It was a lovely, sunny afternoon and the Doctor was walking down the street to buy some cakes from the cake shop when he bumped into something big, pink and covered in yellow polka dots.

"What the...?" the Docor thought as he came face to face with the strange creature. "Blobby" the Creature hollered. It sounded like a Dalek on helium. "What sort of Alien are you?" the Doctor wondered as he went to touch the creature who pushed him in a dustbin and began jumping up and down yelling "Blobby oooooooooo Blobby". It pointed and Laughed at the Doctor.

"Oh you wanna fight do you?" the Doctor asked the strange creature with pure evil in his eyes "well let's see how you like this" and he blinded the creature with his Sonic screwdriver."Blobby" the thing growled and threw a custard pie in the Doctor's face. 

"All right, now you've asked for it my pink Jabba the Hutt" and the Doctor kicked the creature in the privates. "Blobby" the creature cried as he doubled over in pain but still had enough strengh to kick the Doctor in the same area.

"Oooooooooh you kicked my Timelord doodaa, you will pay for that" and the Doctor got out a silly string can and shot silly string in the pink thing's face. The thing got out an even bigger can of silly string. 

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me" he moaned as the fat pink creature shot even larger silly string in the Doctor's face. "Blobby" the creature hollered. 

"Alright this time, it's time to fly" and the Doctor grabbed hold of the fat pink creature and chucked him towards the moon. 

"Ha, that should settle it" he said with satisfactory. However, the pink creature came hurtling back down to Earth and landed on the Doctor as he headed towards the cake shop.

"Blobby" it yelled whilst waving it's fists in the air until Harry Hill appeared out of nowhere and whacked the thing over the head with a frying pan and dragged the body away.

"Thanks cough for that" The Doctor called as Harry dragged the now dead pink fat creature away. "Anytime" Harry called back. Later , the Doctor returned to the Tardis cakeless, face covered in custard and large sillystring and a sore crotch.

"Who would have thought that going out to by cakes would result in you getting beaten up by a pink fat Alien that's covered in yellow polkadots" the Doctor thought. Martha shrugged. 


	23. Dr who commercilas

Dr who commercials

Comercial 1- A Dr who easter egg and mug £2, a Doctor who alarm clock £5, a Dalek money box £4, the look on the Doctor's face when he discovers that Rose is Pregnant with his child, Priceless. For everything else there's Time-lord master card, for more information visit www. or email us at or you can call us on 099999999999993333332222222222099.

Commercial 2- Are you wanting to meet the real David Tennant, Always wishing you could marry him, well here's the thing for you. A lize size Tenth Doctor doll. It talks when you press his hand and comes with the following, a comb, a brush, a toothbrush and a change of clothes. Plus he is just suitable to fit in your car and you can do all sorts of actvities with it, including watching tv, having dinner, going to the cinema etc. So order your Tenth Doctor life size doll now for the prize of £190080.20p. Intructions situated in the packaging plus it comes with life-long batteries.

Commercial 3- The tenth Doctor walks in the middle of a stage and addresses the audience. "Are you tired with the boring things in life?". The Audience cheers. "Always wanting adventure?". The crowd roars in response. "Then take a ride wih me on the magnificent Tardis, I'll show you all of time and space plus you'll get to meet different aliens and Monsters including Cybermen and the Dreaded Daleks. So if you're wanting to ride the Tardis then order your Tickets now for the prize of £1 million pounds plus you also recieve a free Tardis mug for every purchase you order, so order today on 08880444456773. Thankyou for listening". He walks off the stage. The Audience, especialy the women start fighting over the Tickets.

sorry if there's not many, I couldn't think of any more. :)


	24. Educating daleks

Educating Daleks

The Daleks were all sat in a classroom type area and they were waiting for the Supreme Dalek to come along an educated them on world domination because these were only trainee Daleks.

Half an hour had passed when a gold and silver Dalek came rolling in. "I AM SOR-RY TO SAY THAT THE SU-PREME DA-LEK CAN-NOT MAKE IT TO-DAY BE-CAUSE HE HAS TRAGICALLY BEEN DES-TROYED SO SAY HEL-LO TO YOUR NEW TEAC-HER". The Daleks watched in horror as a familiar purple Dinosaur came skipping it.

"Hello all you special people,today we are going to make learning fun" the Dinosaur spazzed. The Daleks couldn't understand what the dinosaur was on about. "Now then, first off we are going to learn the Alphabet. When I've finished writing the Alphabet, you lot are going to receit it" he told them before going to write on the blackboard.

After the Dinosaur had finished writing the Alphabet, the Daleks started reciting it.

"A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z" all the Dalek's sang relunctantly.

"Very good class, now we will draw pictures. Everybody grab a pen and paper and draw a picture". The Daleks were now drawing and colouring. The Dinosaur was also looking at the drawings that the Daleks were drawing. "Have you never drawn a picture before, they all arn't very good" it said to the class. "YES, WE HAVE NOT DRAWN BE-FORE, WE DO NOT HAVE TIME TO DRAW, WE ARE TO BU-SY TAKING OVER THE U-NI-VERSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" one of the Daleks shrieked. "Oh, never mind. Ok, it's snack time and today we are going to have milk and cookies". So, the Daleks were eating cookies and drinking milk, basicly they did by opening their cases and the mutant inside devoured the cookies and drank the milk. They all found them really disguisting.

After snack time, the Dinosaur had all the Daleks in a circle.

"Ok, it's time for circle time. Basicly we are going to go around the circle and introduce ourselves". it explained. "I AM A DA-LEK, SOON TO BE SU-PREME RULER OF THE UNI-VERSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" the first Dalek shrieked. As they went round the circle, the Daleks gave off the same introduction.

"Ok, so we all know who everybody is no, ok it's sing-song time. Now everybody get together and sing with me". The Daleks watched in absolute horror as the dinosaur started to sing the most horrify song they had ever heard.

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you" the Dinosaur song.

"THIS SONG IS TOR-TURE, PER-MISSION TO EX-TER-MIN-ATE" the Daleks shrieked. As the Dinosaur was half-way through his song, the Daleks surrounded it.

"I love you, you love me, we're best friends like friends should be" it sang.

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE" the Daleks chanted.

"I lov-acccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk". The Dinosaur was dead.

"EVIL PUR-PLE DI-NO-SAUR HAS BEEN DES-TROYED, DA-LEKS RULE SU-PREME" the Daleks chanted.


End file.
